Mental Illness in the Family: Adults

When a person in the family has a mental illness, whether it be a parent or child, the entire family is affected. The signs that a member of your family might have a mental illness are listed in the previous blog about when to get help. In this post when the term adult is used it is in reference to those members of the family who are 18 years of age and older.

1) The Beginning: Pregnancy

ANTEPARTUM DEPRESSION

About 10-20% of women will struggle with some symptoms of depression during pregnancy, and a quarter and a half of these will suffer from major depression. Too often during pregnancy depression is not diagnosed properly because people think that is is just another hormone imbalance.

Signs of depression during pregnancy include:
-Persistent sadness
-Difficulty concentrating
-Sleeping too little or too much
-Loss of interest in activities you usually enjoy
-Recurring thoughts of death, suicide, or hopelessness
-Anxiety
-Feelings of guilt or worthlessness
-Change in eating habits
-Substance Abuse

Usually these symptoms are noticeable/present for 2 weeks or more.

Obviously, pregnancy is a happy time but it can also be quite stressful both physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It is no wonder that many of the possible triggers of depression come from these three important areas. Relationship problems, family and personal history of depression, infertility treatments, previous pregnancy loss, stressful life events, complications, and a history of trauma or abuse are just a few possible triggers of depression.
(American Pregnancy Association)

Untreated antepartum depression can cause premature birth, low birth weight, and other developmental problems. Unfortunately with out the right help many women who previously drank alcohol or had substance abuse problems continue the just after and sometimes through pregnancy.


The National Survey of Drug Use and Health shows that fewer women drank the closer they got to their delivery date. But 19% still used alcohol in the first trimester, which could be because some didn't know they were pregnant. But the report also cites a 15-year study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention noting that the number of women who drink while pregnant remains high and hasn't changed much in that time — still one in eight women drink some amount of alcohol while pregnant. After delivery, the study found that 10% of women were binge drinking (five or more drinks within a few hours), 20.4% were smoking cigarettes, and 3.8% were using marijuana. The findings come from surveys of 68,000 women from 2002 to 2007 who were asked about substance abuse in the month before the survey. According to the study, 31.9% of women used alcohol within the first three months after childbirth.

(Berman, Jillian. "Some moms resume substance abuse after their baby's born". USA Today. Posted 1 June 2009. http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-05-31-substanceabusepregnancy_N.htm?csp=34 )

Smoking during pregnancy passes nicotine and cancer-causing drugs to your baby. Smoke also keeps your baby from getting nourishment and raises the risk of stillbirth or premature birth. Don't drink alcohol. There is no known safe amount of alcohol a woman can drink while pregnant. Alcohol can cause life-long physical and behavioral problems in children, including fetal alcohol syndrome. Don't use illegal drugs. Using illegal drugs may cause underweight babies, birth defects or withdrawal symptoms after birth.
(NIH MedicinePlus)

If you have a friend or family member who may be suffering with antepartum depression encourage them to get treatment. It is just as important to have balance in your life during pregnancy as it is when you are not pregnant. Various treatment options include support groups, private psychotherapy, medication, and light therapy. Encourage them to talk to their doctor about their depression and they can work out a specialized individual plan.


POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION

The sudden decrease in both estrogen and progesterone hormone levels within 24 hours after giving birth, may be the leading cause of postpartum depression. Sometimes, thyroid hormone levels may also drop which can cause symptoms of depression as well.

"Any of these symptoms during and after pregnancy that last longer than two weeks are signs of depression:

-Feeling restless or irritable
-Feeling sad, hopeless, and overwhelmed
-Crying a lot
-Having no energy or motivation
-Eating too little or too much
-Sleeping too little or too much
-Trouble focusing, remembering, or making decisions
-Feeling worthless and guilty
-Loss of interest or pleasure in activities
-Withdrawal from friends and family
-Having headaches, chest pains, heart palpitations (the heart beating fast and feeling like it is skipping beats), or hyperventilation (fast and shallow breathing)
-Possibly being afraid of hurting the baby or oneself

Postpartum psychosis is rare. It occurs in 1 or 2 out of every 1000 births and usually begins in the first 6 weeks postpartum. Women who have bipolar disorder or another psychiatric problem called schizoaffective disorder have a higher risk for developing postpartum psychosis. Symptoms may include delusions, hallucinations, sleep disturbances, and obsessive thoughts about the baby. A woman may have rapid mood swings, from depression to irritability to euphoria."
(Medicine.Net)

Again it is very important to encourage your loved ones to get help. Your social support will help them work through their depression and they will know that you are there for them.

2) When a Child has a mental illness

Having a child with a mental illness can affect a family in either a very positive or very negative way based on how you choose to view the situation. No surprise there right?! We are in control of how we let things affect us :)

Mothers of mildly retarded children were rejecting and punitive. Mothers of more severely retarded children were overprotective. Parents of very young developmentally delayed children were angry and rejecting. However, women tend to be more accepting of handicapped children, then are men. Possibly because fathers of retarded children tend to be more depressed, suffer low self-esteem, and express a lack of interpersonal satisfaction. Parents of retarded children are at least a group at high risk for emotional and personal difficulties.

(The Best of AAMR-Families and Mental Retardation chapter 10. 1983)

Most childhood mental illnesses continue to affect the child into adulthood. In many cases the child must continue to live with the support their parents throughout their lives because they cannot manage for themselves.

"More than one-third of long-term mentally ill adults live with their families, most with aging parents, a situation that accentuates the need for residential alternatives to home care for deinstitutionalized patients who will out-live their caregivers. The role of parenting mentally disabled adults may also impose undue stress on elderly persons. "
(PsychiatryOnline.org)

"The practical hardships--what researchers term the "objective burden"--are the assistance in and supervision of daily activities the parent must provide because the child cannot care for himself or herself or because hostile or unpredictable behavior must be monitored.

Few studies have focused on the rewards of caregiving for a child with a mental illness. Some parents describe a feeling of intimacy with their ill child, a sense of mutual respect, a willingness to accept different opinions and criticism, and an ability to enjoy each other's company. Most parent caregivers stated that their child provided some practical help around the house, as well as support, information on family and friends, and keeping them company.

Parents of adult children with chronic mental illness, who see themselves as "eternal parents,' are active full-time in their later years and can enhance a sense of self-value and purpose. Some parents describe caring for their child as a "calling" or a "commitment" that gives their life content and meaning (Chesla, 1991). They felt that they were achieving their mission in life.

Programs tend to overlook the positive aspects of caregiving; rather, successful adjustment to life with a child with mental illness traditionally has been viewed as involving an attitude of acceptance. This study suggests a stage beyond acceptance, which involves appreciation of the positive aspects of life with an adult child with mental illness, such as the child's contributions to the parent or to aspects of the parents' personal growth. Parents may need help recognizing the contributions that their children with mental illness make. Social workers and therapists can encourage parents who have unrealistically low expectations for their ill child to give the child opportunities to fulfill productive roles within the family and the community."
(Parents of Mentally Ill Adult Children Living at Home: Rewards of Caregiving. Health & Social Work. 2002)


Too many times it seems parents feel that their child is a burden or that is is not fair to their child that they have an illness. Again, what happens to us is not for us to decide, but we much choose how we will deal with it.

3) When parents have a mental illness

Estimates suggest that between 50% and 66% of parents with a severe and enduring mental illness live with one or more children under 18. That amounts to about 17,000 children and young people in the UK.

Parents with a mental illness may:
-lack confidence in their parenting skills
-be unusually relaxed with their children
-discipline their children particularly harshly
-be less able to identify their children’s needs than other parents
(MentalHealth.org)

"Parents (and the other parent/family members in the home) often become preoccupied with managing the illness, and much of the family’s attention is directed to that person. Furthermore, the parent living with the SMI (serious mental illness) may detach (intentionally or unintentionally) from the child. Parental hospitalization and other separations from the parent (sometimes including the child living with other family members) can disrupt the parent-child bond. Particularly with PTSD, many parents develop emotional numbness, which also interferes with the development of close relationships. Detachment, physical separation, and emotional numbing can directly impact the parent’s ability to engage the child in everyday activities.

Sometimes, parents behave in rejecting ways that can be confusing and hurtful to children, or parents are so consumed with their own problems they’re unavailable for their kids. Explaining why parents act in confusing ways can help kids avoid taking the behavior personally. Further, encouraging children to consider that their parents are probably “doing the best they can” under the circumstances can be useful."
(SocialWorktoday.com)


What can we conclude:
-we need to be there for the people we love
- As discussed in class, resilience and the capability of how well our families deal with a mental illness depends on:
caring love= we must develop unconditional love for that person
responsible free will= do what we can to help
integrity= be there for that person
challenge= view the illness as a challenge that you get to work on together. A good challenge that brings you closer together
hope= have hope that things will be okay and remember that the relationship is worth it.


A few songs I thought of while doing this project were

THE DANCE by Garth Brooks

"Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I the king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance"



YOU GOTTA BE by Des'ree

"Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Others they may cause your tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted don't be shamed to cry

You gotta be, you gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save the day

Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, love will save the day

Herald what your mother said
Read the books your father read
Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time
Some may have more cash than you
Others take a different view
My, oh, my, hey hey hey

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save the day

Time asks no questions it goes on without you
Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace
The world keeps on spinning can't stop it if you tried to
The best part is danger staring you in the face
Whoa

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save the day


Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Others they may cause your tears
Go ahead release your fears
My, oh, my, hey, hey, hey

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save the day

You got to be bold, you got to be bad
You got to be wise, don't ever say it
You got to be hard, not too too hard
All I know is love will save the day

Love, love, love will save the day
Love, love, love will save the day
Love, love, love will save the day
Love, love, love will save the day

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save the day

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know love will save...

The day"


FATIH OF THE HEART by Rod Stewart

"It's been a long road
Getting from there to here
It's been a long time
But my time is finally near

And I can feel the change in the winds right now
Nothing's in my way
And they're not gonna hold me down no more
No there not gonna hold me down

Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith
I've got faith
Faith of the heart

It's been a long night
Trying to find my way
Been through the darkness
Now I finally have my day
And I will see my dreams come alive at last
I will touch the sky
And they're not gonna hold me down no more
No there not gonna change my mind

Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith
Faith of the heart

I've known a wind so cold and seen the darkest days
But now the winds I feel, are only winds of change
I've been through the fire and I've been through the rain
But I'll be fine

Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith

I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith
I've got faith
Faith of the heart

It's been a long road"


I know from personal experience that living with one or even multiple family members with mental illness can be a wonderful learning and growing experience for everyone involved. That doesn't mean that sometimes it is not hard. In fact, it is hard a lot but the key is that they are doing the best that they can, and so am I and they are worth it. Your life is what you make it. I completely agree with Dr.Karren when he says

"We all tell ourselves stories to live, and some stories are better than others."

Lets make the stories we tell honest and full of love. Lets spend a little less time worrying and a little more time breathing. A little less time stressing and little more time reading. A little less time rushing and a little more time enjoying the beauty all around us. Lets spend a little less time on ourselves and a little more time on the people we love the most.

Remember, life is good.